Lord of the Things Book I: Extract 5

Looking directly at Bilbo, Frodo said with a stern voice as cold and hard as steel and twice as shiny:

“I want a raise in my allowance.”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” cried Bilbo.

When the echoes had died down, Frodo stood glaring at his uncle, tapping his feet impatiently. “Enough of the Darth Vader theatricals! If you don’t give me a raise, I won’t do it. I won’t I won’t I won’t I won’t!”

Gravely Gandalf gesticulated gruesomely. “You have no choice I’m afraid, old friend. You must do as the young hobbit asks.”

Grumbling, Biblo conceded defeat.

“Don’t worry” whispered Gandalf, “I suspect he won’t live long enough to collect the extra money anyway.”

“Oi! I heard that!” cried Frito.

“Anyway, may the Valor protect you and all that, not that they really care about Middle Earth these days but of course you didn’t hear me say that…”

“Indeed.”

“But what about lunch?” asked Merriadoch. “It’s nearly midday!”

But lunch was not to be had in Dingly Dell that day…


“ENOUGH!!”, cried Gandalf, and it was.



So Endeth Act I, Scene I

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